Teen Relationship Advice for Teenagers – High School Relationship Advice
Teen relationship advice covers a lot of different subjects: meeting guys and girls, first dates, your first fight, jealousy, cheating, parents and dating and teen sex. I could write a book and still not cover every issue you might have in a high school relationship. Relationship Questions Online.com intends on having a whole sections of relationship advice for teenagers. For the time being, I’ve included a brief discussion about common teen relationship tips and advice for teen dating (18+ for the redirected site in the link).
We’ll touch on some of the topics listed above, but let’s start with advice for teen girls who are considering dating and possibly having sex.
Relationship Questions for Teens – Advice for Teen Girls
Here are questions you should ask yourself when asked out on a date. If any of these relationship questions give you unease, you should say “No” to the idea of going out. A teen dating relationship should be about having fun and getting away from the stresses of being a teen, but you should also expect your boyfriend to respect you, to be honest with you and to communicate with you.
- Do you trust this boy?
- Is this guy honest to you?
- Do the two of you have mutual friends? If not, do the two of you have mutual interests?
- Does this boy pressure you in any way? Do you feel pressure to have sex? Do you feel pressured to break rules or commit crimes?
- Do you enjoy your time spent with this guy? If not, why do you stay in the relationship?
There are also questions about teen sex & intimacy you should be asking yourself. Dating should be enjoyable and exciting, but dating can have serious consequences. You need to consider these consequences when you begin to date. Here’s why.
Teens want to know what it’s like to be an adult, but it’s easy to get a skewed view of what adulthood is. Activities adults engage in, like drinking and sex, are only a part of adult life. Being an adult is having the freedom to make one’s own decisions. But with greater freedom comes greater responsibility. Responsibility means you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. A teen can make life-changing decisions when choosing to engage in some of the more exciting, yet riskier, adult activities.
So if you’re dating and you decide to have sex, consider the decisions you’re going to make. This isn’t about pleasing your parents or following the rules. It’s about making decisions you’ll live with the rest of your life. So go over these questions and have answers for them before you engage in sex with your boyfriend.
- Will I be prepared to use contraception if I choose to have sex?
- Will I have intercourse if I do not have protection?
- What would I do if I became pregnant?
- What would I do if I contracted a sexually transmitted disease?
If you feel like your parents make your life miserable over going out, dating and relationships, that’s normal. Just keep in mind that they ask themselves these same questions and are worrying if you’ll take care of yourself out there. Even if you’re parents are jerks sometimes, their probably making your dating life a hassle because they care about you and your future. They know what it means to live with the consequences of their decisions, because they’ve being doing it for their entire adult lives by now.
Sure, they probably treat you like a kid sometimes, but it’s hard to know when a teen is responsible enough to be given greater freedom. Every teen is different in that way. Just think of the people you know. Parents have a fraction of the information about your life that you do, so they are probably going to be on the cautious side. And yes, adults make mistakes all the time, but they don’t want to make the mistake that’s going to affect every other decision you make in your life. So they become over-protective.
And if you’re parents aren’t around enough to matter or don’t seem to care that much about what you do, then you’re living without a safety net. You have the freedom of an adult now, so you sure better have the maturity and responsibility of one. No one else may look out for your best interests, so you sure as heck better look out for yourself.
Love & Dating Advice – Jealousy
Jealousy is a natural emotion to have. Jealousy results from fear of losing something you hold dear. You have a boyfriend or girlfriend and you don’t want to lose them. You enjoy the time the two of you spend together, or how the relationship makes you feel. When real or perceived threats to that relationship appear to you, the emotion you feel is jealousy. You feel yourself losing control of your relationship — and you don’t like it.
Jealousy tends to create a mixture of anger and angst. You might become angry at your boy friend or girl friend or, just as likely, your potential rival. This rival might be a romantic threat or simply a friend or family (or activity) that’s taking him or her away from you. Often, bitterness and resentment will mix with anger or even sorrow when you’re feeling jealous. While jealousy is natural enough, the panicked response to jealous feelings can cause you to make serious mistakes in your relationship.
So jealousy is not necessarily the problem. How you react to jealousy is the problem. In any case, if you let your jealous emotions grow, they can take over your relationship, even if you think you aren’t acting out on these feels. Sooner or later, you’re jealousy will lead you to take irrational or even destructive actions.
You might accuse your boyfriend of cheating, or “having feelings” for someone else. You might become hostile to your perceived rival, which might lead your partner to sympathize with this person or decide you aren’t right for them. Jealousy could lead to a series of arguments, even if you’re not discussing your jealous suspicions or fears.
When dealing with jealousy, the first thing to do is to avoid overreacting. If you’re love partner is about to leave you, then there’s probably not a whole lot you can do about it. Becoming angry or “working the guilt angle” won’t keep the other person around for long. And if there is nothing to be jealous about, you’re creating problems in the relationship where none existed. You’ve being self-destructive. So keep cool and don’t overreact when you get jealous.
Study the problem. Is there really a threat to your relationship? Is there something you to can to improve yourself, to make you more attractive to your partner? List the reasons you’re jealous and try to analyze each reason.
If your jealousy is centered on his family, his friends or his activities, then you probably just want to spend more time with him (or her) and are frustrated that you cannot. This might be out of your control for the time being. Also, it’s probably healthy for the two of you to spend time away from one another. He needs friends, family and things to do when you’re not around. In fact, if he’s happy in his relationship with you, having these things will take his mind off of straying when you aren’t around.
If you have a rival, study this person and see if there’s a reason why your boyfriend or girlfriend would find this person more attractive to you. You might find that your fears are unrealistic. If there is a problem, figure out what it is that you’re guy or girl finds attractive and see if that’s a part of your own persona that you can improve.
Consider your own independence. See if you are clinging to a relationship to fill some void you think you are personally missing. In the end, your relationship will be better and more fulfilling if you are a complete person on your own. Focus on becoming more independent. You might also consider self-improvement, to make yourself a more attractive person. Jealousy doesn’t have to be a negative thing. The fear of loss can spur you to make important positive changes in your life.
After studying the problem and making any changes in your behavior or habits that might be driving your partner away, if there is still a problem, then you should consider talking to your boyfriend or girlfriend. Remember that doing so reveals insecurities about yourself and your relationship, which could color the way your partner looks at you and the relationship. So be sure there is a reason to have this conversation before you bring it up.
Of course, it might be they are doing something that is giving you cause for jealousy. If so, address this to your guy pal. Listen to their explanations and sense their emotions. If he or she is trying to make you jealous or appear to have feelings for someone else, you should try to learn as much as possible about why. When you make your feelings known, measure how positive the response is to your jealous concerns. If your lover dismisses you or tries to hurt your feelings, you might consider breaking up.
Cheating Teens – Relationship Advice
Cheating is a complicated subject. The boyfriend or girlfriend that cheats is hard to trust again. It can be hard to trust a person who has a history of cheating. There’s always the question in your head, “Once a cheater, always a cheater?”
There’s an old saying where I come from that states, “If someone cheats to get into a relationship, they will cheat to get out of the relationship.” That can often be the case for someone with a long history of cheating. That saying is less true for teens, though, and here’s why.
Cheating teens can mature quickly, and so cheating once might not indicate cheating the next time. Cheating happens when a person is selfish or doesn’t consider other peoples’ feelings or wants drama in their life or simply doesn’t care who they hurt. Teens are still developing their behavioral patterns, so if a teen guy or teen girl can be described as any of these things, they might grow, mature and change. That’s a lot less likely with an adult who has the same behavioral traits.
So while I wouldn’t endorse a teen wanting to date another teen known for cheating, there are cases when you can hope that the cheating pattern doesn’t continue. When cheating happens in your relationship, that’s an entirely different matter.
When cheating happens, this damages the trust between a couple. On an individual level, it damages the ego of the person being cheated on: their self-image, self-esteem and even self-respect. When a person’s overall self-worth is attacked, this can be psychologically and emotionally damaging. It makes it so much harder with the person hurting us is someone we trusted and loved.
This makes it hard for us to trust our next partner, much less trusting the partner who has cheated, and can lead to either a fear of commitment or fear of relationships in general.
Cheating & Reconciliation – Teen Dating Advice
This begs the question: should I continue dating someone who has cheated on you?
Generally, it’s best to end a teen relationship when someone is cheating. There are so many conflicting emotions that it might be best to start over with someone else. If a guy cheats on you and you take him back, he might take that as a license to cheat again.
That’s a general rule, though. Sometimes, people stray and immediately feel terrible about what they’ve done. If your girlfriend/boyfriend comes to you and tells you they cheated and feel terrible about it, this is a lot different than someone who gets caught cheating. If this person says they want to make it up to you and want to change, you might consider the circumstances and whether it’s worth continuing. Most of the time, I would say “no” anyway.
One thing you should never do is blame yourself for someone else’s cheating. People who cheat seldom blame themselves. They are likely to blame outside factors like boredom, loneliness when you’re away or circumstances (like alcohol). They’re are likely to blame the other person, saying they initiated the encounter — as if this is an excuse for their own actions. There’s even a chance that your boyfriend/girlfriend will blame your relationship or even you personally. In this case, don’t listen to their nonsense and end the relationship.
The thing about cheating is this. If people don’t like a relationship, they can end it. Instead, cheaters decide to stay in the relationship and cheat. They want it both ways: your love and instant gratification with someone else. You shouldn’t allow them to treat you that way.
Couples & Fighting – Teen Relationship Arguments
Arguments happen in every relationship. We call them “fights”. At some point, the two of you are going to have a fight. Entering a romance or relationship with another person can be difficult. You’re not going to agree with every decision they make or every action they take. Your boyfriend will anger you, disagree with you, perhaps even provoke you. It happens in every relationship.
A fight doesn’t have to be the end in a teen relationship. I’ve seen one or teens have one fight and that’s the end of the relationship. Other couples seem to thrive on arguments and fighting. Both of these are the sign of immaturity, and how you respond to a fight is as important in a relationship as the fight itself. Unfortunately, some adults never learn to cope with arguments, which can destroy relationships their whole lives.
Hopefully, you and your partner will be able to calm down and talk about the reason for your fight. Once you communicate, you should focus on understanding your partner’s position. Even if you don’t agree with it, respect your boyfriend or girlfriend enough to listen to their side of the argument. Often, listening is all your partner wants you to do.
Most arguments happen when the two of you talk past one another. The two of you are so interested in making your point that you forget to listen to their point. Even if you listen, you may not be in the frame of mind to understand fully what it is being said. So listen to your boyfriend or your girlfriend.
Try to understand why the fight happened. Don’t fall into the same pattern of fighting about the same issues over and over. Better put, don’t open up an old argument. In relationships, it’s better not to go into the past or to hold a grudge. Talk it over, then let it go. This allows the two of you to reconcile. Once reconciliation has happened, move on and focus on the good things.
Reconciliation after a fight allows the two of you to reaffirm your commitment to one another. Often, making up is as much fun as fighting is traumatic.
And if your arguments and fights get violent, get out of the relationship immediately. Studies show that violent boyfriends usually don’t stop being violent. If you stay in a relationship after he gets violent, he is likely to beat you again. No matter what you’ve said or done, you deserve better than to have someone strike you. You deserve better than to live with a pattern of violence.
Teen Relationship Advice – Am I In Love?
When you’ve just started dating, it’s hard to understand all the new feelings and emotions we’re having. It’s very common to “fall in love” with your first boyfriend or girlfriend, or even the first date you have. You might get butterflies in your stomach simply holding hands or kissing. Your first teen kiss is a good time to be alive.
But what does it mean to “be in love”? Do strong emotions and your first experience with the warm glow of romance mean you’re in love?
This is a hard question. Some people would say that you’re in love if you think you’re in love. Others would say that love is a deep and abiding tender feeling for another person. These people would say that love doesn’t happen at first sight, but grows from an affection into something deeper.
The English language uses “love” to describe many emotions. “Love” and “falling in love” may or may not be the same thing. To any given person, love can be attraction, affection, passion, tenderness, romantic love, puppy love, lust or esteem. Most people say love and lust are two different things, while many younger folks might confuse affection with deep love.
So how do you know if you’re falling in love? Here are some questions that might help you decide. If you answer these in the affirmative, you’re probably “in love with someone”.
- Do you care about their well-being more than your own?
- Do you want to make them happy?
- Do you mind giving up things (time, money) you enjoy in your life to be with them?
- Would you rather spend time with him/her than anyone else, including your best friends?
- Do you think about him or her all the time?
- Do mundane events or objects in life remind you of them?
- Do you worry about their safety and happiness?
- Do you want to impress them?
- Does the sound of commitment to this person sound good?
- Do you notice members of the opposite sex?
Personally, I’ve never been so in love with someone that I don’t occasionally notice someone of the opposite who’s attractive. But if you obsess about impressing the opposite sex or getting their number, you probably aren’t in love. Even if you really like the guy or girl you’re currently dating, this falls into “caring more about your well-being” than your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s.
Teen Advice About Relationships – Love and Dating
Whole books have been written on teen advice about relationship, love and dating. Actually, whole sections of book stores focus on love relationships. The point being, I could write on and on about teen love and teen dating trends. We haven’t touched on subjects like “online dating advice” or “my parents hate my boyfriend”, but we’ll end it here.
Keep reading RelationshipQuestionsOnline.com for more teen dating tips. We’ll eventually add articles on every dating question you can imagine.