Often, trying to reconcile with your ex can turn into a convoluted mess.
“Whoa, super strange running into you here,” you might say as you jump out of the bushes below your ex’s apartment. Other times, trying to reconcile might translate into inaction: you want your ex back but you actually do very little about it other than opine on social media. Either way, you end up alone, wallowing in what could have been and hating what is.
The reason reconciliation fails so often is simple: it’s nearly impossible to change someone’s way of thinking. Rather, in order to get back with an ex, you must focus on changing his mood, instead of his mind.
Change the Way Your Ex Thinks About You
To demonstrate this, let’s think about one of the most famous fairytales of all time: Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Now, had Snow White ever actually gotten romantic with any of these little men, there’s a good chance the adjectives used to describe them would have changed. Happy may have become Miserable, Sneezy might have become Angry, Bashful may have become Resentful, and Grumpy might have become Grumpier.
The reason for this change has to do with how we think about the people we date (and the people we break up with): exes associate certain words with one another. In the beginning, your ex might have thought of you as spontaneous, only to view you as flighty later on. Or perhaps they saw you as passionate, only to deem you obsessive as time marched by. They may even associate other words with you, words like pressure, hurt, avoidance, and annoyance.
At the start of your relationship, and perhaps up until right before it ended, the words you and your ex associate with one another were all positive. There was attraction, lust, excitement, and eagerness that made you each feel as though you ate butterflies for lunch. Now there’s apathy, boredom, rage, and dread that makes you feel as though you ate a cement brick for lunch.
To put it simple, things have changed. Now it’s your job to change things back.
Stop, Drop, and Roll Out a Plan
In order to reconcile with your ex, you must stop, drop, and roll out a plan. This plan must involve a great deal of quitting – quit apologizing, quit begging, quit promising to change, quit using social media to vent your relationship frustrations, because all of these things are moot. They’re pointless because they appeal to the mind of your ex and people don’t change their minds. Instead, your goal should involve making your ex feel different in regards to you. To do this, you need to change his mood.
Consider it in this manner – in the house of your relationship there are two doors: the mind door and the mood door. The mind door is bolted shut, rigged with an alarm and one of those security bars pitched by infomercials; it’s impossible to get in. The mood door is always open, never latched to keep you out. It is this door – the mood door – that provides your best chance at reconciliation.
Of course, you may still be hopeless. You may be singing “Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen” in your best baritone, regaling your neighbors with your tale of woe. But, just as Pandora’s box was open and all the sins spilled out into the word, one positive remains: the magic of hope. Befriend Hope – let it become your greatest ally.
Change Your Exes Mood in Three, Two, One…..
Each of us has a unique set of memories and life experiences, things that make us laugh or smile at the tiniest remembrance. This is the key to changing your ex’s mood – you are the gatekeeper to his happy memories since so many of them involve you.
For example: your ex hates the person he works for and has yet another horrid day of work; he comes home pissed at the world, annoyed at even the tiniest things. As he paces his apartment, angry and agitated, he hears a song that reminds him of the time the two of you snorkeled in Hawaii. Automatically, his mood lifts, altering for the better. His day of work was still awful and he still hates his boss, but now, in this moment, he feels better; he feels happier.
There are great invokers of memory – music, scents, smells, and images (in everything from magazines to television shows, from movies to commercials) can all be used to remind your ex of your good times together, of the love you once shared. And, as you remind him of this, he can’t help but be reminded the reasons he fell in love with you way back when.
I’ve written a step-by-step guide that I’m giving away for free here on exactly what you must do before you even think about contacting your ex boyfriend… If you’ve decide that he is worth another chance and you want a NO BS approach, click here.