How to Better Understand Men in a Relationship
Understanding men can be hard. Men and women are socialized differently, and some people think that men have a completely different psychology from women to begin with. So what's a girl to do if she wants to understand the man in her relationship better? Here are some tips:
1. Find out about how the man in your relationship was reared.
Differences in parenting styles can create huge differences in the way people view the world. Ask questions and find out what kind of upbringing your partner had. Even if his parents were similar to yours socioeconomically, he'll have a different experience growing up than you did. Parents treat boys differently from girls. Understanding these differences will help you understand your man better.
2. Give him guy time.
Many married men have trouble with their wives' understanding that they need time out with the guys. You might not need a night out with the girls once a week, but he probably does. It's not unusual for a man to want to spend one night of the week playing in the poker freeroll at the local bar, or singing karaoke, or watching football with his buddies. Give him the freedom to do what he needs, and you'll find that he's easier to get along with when you're together.
One way in which many women misunderstand men is that they take it personally when a man needs a social life that doesn't include her. That's just a man being a man. It doesn't mean that he loves you less. So don't take it personally.
3. Men need love just like women do, but they express love differently.
Most men would prefer to receive a gift or a massage or a surprise session of lovemaking than an elaborate verbal expression of love. Many men are uncomfortable talking about their feelings, and they'd rather receive a subtler display of affection than words. A surprise gift that's something he'll enjoy but you won't is the perfect expression of love most of the time. You might think it's stupid, but if he mentions that it would be cool to learn to play the ukule, buy him a ukulele and an instructional video about how to play it. He'll know that you're paying attention to what he's saying, and he'll know that what he says matters to you. That second part is the more important.
4. Stop expecting him to read your mind.
Want to know what the biggest communication mistake women make is? It's expecting her man to read her mind. Men aren't good at catching hints. They're not good at understanding signals. If you have a problem with something he's done, tell him. Don't make him guess. Don't get mad that he doesn't already know. Men aren't psychic, and making a man play guessing games is cruel. It's also a recipe for relationship disaster.
5. Don't put pressure on a man.
If you want a commitment, and you put a lot of pressure on a man to get a commitment, then you're dooming your relationship to failure. He'll commit when he's ready, and he'll be more likely to commit if you give him space.
On the other hand, if you have needs, you should feel free to talk about them. Learn how to talk about them without applying pressure. Ultimatums are a no-no.