Most relationships can be repaired. Still, there’s a good way and a bad way in getting your ex back. Avoiding the bad can up the odds of a successful reconciliation.
Thinking about getting ex back is a natural occurrence after a breakup; breakups hurt and, to stop that hurt, we want to undo the thing that caused it.
But, not everyone goes about reconciling the right way. Some people unwittingly shoot down their chance of getting back together before the option can even be pondered.
There are certain things that should be avoided in getting your ex back – sidestepping these isn’t a guarantee that your ex will come running into your arms, but it can up your odds.
Trying too Hard, Too Soon
The first mistake to avoid in getting ex back is trying too hard, too soon. You’re hurting and, as a result, you may be in a big rush to set things in motion and get back together ASAP. But don’t.
There is a reason (or several) that your ex dumped you – trying to reconcile right after will only anger them, annoy them, and perhaps shut the door on your relationship forever. You have to fix what was broken and no one can do that in just a day or two.
Waiting can be scary – you might imagine your ex meeting a new guy or girl and riding off into the sunset with them (while they both make jokes about you under their breath). Yet the odds of this happening are low – remember, your ex is hurting too and probably not looking for anything other than a rebound fling.
Contacting an ex immediately following a breakup is also a big no-no. Seeing them face to face puts too much pressure on them, phone calls are awkward, and texts and emails are passive aggressive.
Your ex needs time to sort through their feelings (and you should be sorting as well). Contacting them shows them that you don’t respect their need for space.
Even if you have a legitimate reason to call them, try to abstain. If you’ve left your toothbrush in their bathroom, for example, let it go and buy another. Unless that specific toothbrush has been in your family for years, it’s a poor excuse for contact.
Making it About You
People break up with others for all kinds of reasons – odds are you can at least speculate why you were dumped.
Maybe you were a jerk and treated your partner poorly.
Maybe you were dismissive and spent more time with your fantasy football team than you did fulfilling your partner’s fantasies.
Maybe you were boring and never wanted to go out and do anything.
Whatever the reason, you did something wrong and you need to own it.
Making it about you – about your pain or your victimization – isn’t a good way to get your ex back; it’s a good way to drive them further away.
Letting Your Jealousy Show
If your ex has begun to date a new person (or several new people), you will likely be jealous – really, how could you not be? But letting your jealousy show – calling them names, trying to shame them, or showing up on their date (“Funny running into you guys at this super secluded, dark table.”) will do two things: piss your ex off and make you look like an idiot.
You are allowed to feel jealous – let yourself fume quietly. Because letting that jealousy show, particularly in a way that compromises your ex’s enjoyment, isn’t conducive to repairing your union or your reputation.
Throwing a Rebound in Your Ex’s Face
After a breakup, you may sit in your bed and shun the world, or you may get back out there and meet someone new. If you do the latter, there’s a good chance the new person will be little more than a rebound, a temporary partner to make yourself feel better.
This is quite common and though it’s not really fair to the person who is playing the temporary role, there is no way around it – rebounds happen.
Where you get yourself in trouble, however, is how your present your rebound to your ex.
Throwing your rebound in your ex’s face – plastering your social media wall with photos of the two of you (and tagging your ex), telling your ex that you’ve met someone special, taking your rebound to places you know your ex will be – can actually backfire.
Moving on is a great way to make your ex come back – if they think you may soon be gone for good, they start to reconsider their decision. But going overboard shows your hand. If you flaunt your new relationship in your ex’s face, you basically tell them that you’re trying to elicit jealousy. That just comes across as desperate. And desperation looks good on no one.
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