How to Stop Obsessing
Infatuation can turn into obsession pretty quickly, and when you are distracted to that extent, nothing gets done and nothing seems right.
So take the following steps if you find you’re thinking about an object of devotion too much and you’ll be able to tune other things into your mind. Try to take your romantic feelings and turn them into something positive and productive.
One Aside: I’m assuming that you’ve either made your feelings known to this person and were spurned, or you have no intentions of revealing your innermost feelings to this person.
In the second case, get to know the person better by talking to them. You never know what that might lead to. Be yourself and don’t just say things you think they want to hear. You’ll do far better being nice, but telling them when you think they’re wrong. People prefer a challenge to a pushover–it convinces them you stand for something, and therefore you’re worthy of their friendship…or whatever you have in mind.)
Keep a Diary – Love Journal
Okay, this first suggestion comes with one big stipulation: you only do this if you have personal space and you’re good at holding your secrets.
Buy a personal notebook devoted to nothing else and write a journal or diary about your secret (or not-so-secret) love. No matter what you do, this has to remain private, though. Under no circumstances show it to a friend, a family member, or the guy or girl in question. That’s always a bad idea and always going to cause trouble for you.
Write down the reasons you like this person, the reasons you think you love them, and the reasons you obsess about them. Note: If you don’t trust a notebook floating around your house and you have a desktop pc, laptop computer, or iPod, you can make love notes on your electronic devices and password protect it.
Write a Pretend Letter
Next, go over the notes you jotted down about your secret admiration or infatuation for this person, and get these ideas in your mind vividly and clearly. Then write a letter pretending you are expressing your love for this person. This note never gets sent to this person, but you want to express your true feelings. This exercise lets you understand better what your feelings are and why you have these feelings for this person.
This lets you start to resolve your feelings, by getting in your head the reasons you feel the way you do. Come to conclusions about your love and how you want this to turn out. Maybe this person has broken up with you and you can’t get them out of your head. Maybe you asked this person out and they turned you down, no matter how nicely or brutally it happened. Or maybe you have a secret crush on this person. Whatever the case may be, resolve in your mind how you want your relationship with this person to resolve itself (relationship, reconciliation, friendship, total separation, etc).
Relate to Someone
If you feel the need to unburden yourself or relate your feelings to someone, go online and post your thoughts on a website or message board dedicated to heartbreak, loneliness, and coping with unrequited love. Choose a username with no relation to you and no one in your class or at your work can trace to you. Then unburden yourself.
Alterately, if you have a trusted friend or an older sibling whom you can speak with about your feelings, talk to them. If this is bothering you, sometimes it’s best to get this off your chest. Avoid telling somone in the same classroom, avoid confiding in a mutual friend, and avoid discussing this with anyone who you think might, under any circumstances, tell someone else about your thoughts. The last thing you want is this “getting out” or “getting back” to someone. If you want to talk to the object of your affection, you want to do it yourself, on your time, and in your way. Don’t become a topic of discussion or a butt of jokes.
Find a Hobby – Get Your Mind Off Things
Find something else, anything else, to think about. Find a hobby or join a new club. Try to make new friends and find other ways to stimulate your brain. What I’m talking about is any form of self-improvement, expanding your horizons, finding new experiences. At first, you’ll think this is worthless and a waste of time, but you’ll find new avenues opening to you if you take action.
I know you don’t want to hear about self-improvement, but the best thing you can do to attract a boy’s attention or a girl’s attention is to be active and to do things. Moping in the corner only works in the movies and on tv shows.
And when I mention you should find new experiences and try new methods of brain stimulation, I’m not suggesting you should try drugs or alcohol to get your mind off of things. When you are down and depressed or feeling unloved or worthless, these things tend to make your moods worse, not better. Instead, find positive ways to take your mind off of things and become a more attractive person. Remember, active is attractive and energetic people are magnetic people.
Let Time Work Its Wonders
You might not think it right now, but your thoughts will eventually clear of this person. You might still remember what it was like to love this person. You might have love and affection for this person. In your heart of hearts, you might still wish to be with this guy or girl. But time has a way of healing old wounds and giving us perspective. In time, your obsession will abide and your hurt will lessen.
I had intense infatuations with a few girls in my teen years. In one or two cases, the love was unrequited, or they broke up with me. I was sad and I couldn’t think of anything else, but after a while, those feelings began to subside. They never went away completely, because you remain the same person wherever you are and however long it might be, but I eventually stopped thinking about this person. One day, I realized it had been days, maybe weeks since I had thought about this girl.
In my experience, about six weeks to two months was the time it took me to “move on”. That sounds like nothing now, just no time at all. At the time, those two months were an eternity, and I’m sure they will be for you, too. I’m not saying your time to obsess about these thoughts will be the same as mine. You might be over this in a week. It might take you six months. Your entire school life might go by crushing on this one person. But it’s going to stop at some time.
Focus on Someone Else
In my case, I stopped thinking about one girl when I started thinking about another girl. It’s amazing what having another object of your affection will do to your thoughts. When you have one who shares your love, that makes it all the better.
An Object Lesson in Obsession
Once again, in my case, I met a new girl about two months after my previous breakup. I had other girls ask me out in the meantime. I had “girl friends” I became close with and spent a lot of time with–and still remains friend with to this day. But I was so in love with this one girl that none of them registered.
But one day about two months out, I met a woman who caught my eye. She was a brunette where the other was a blond. She didn’t have the same goddess smile as the original target of my affection, but she was pretty and smart and had a wicked sense of human and was a bit of a smartass. She might not have been quite as pretty–she was still gorgeous–but she had a lot better personality. We really clicked and we really became an item.
One day, I realized I hadn’t thought about the other girl in a couple of weeks’ time. I just stopped thinking about this someone altogether. I had something else to hold my attention. (In fact, the blond got really jealous, once she realized she didn’t have me wrapped around her finger anymore. She got used to having a fool in love in her back pocket. She tried to get back, but I stayed with the brunette.)
Love Somebody Else
The point being, once you meet someone else you really like, you’ll find you stop thinking about this other person you’ve been obsessing about. Finally and totally, that’s the absolute cure for love–loving someone else.
It might not be the same. In fact, it’s going to be different. Some things might be similar. But some things about this new person you might not like as well. Others, you might like better. In the end, you’ll find that life goes on and you can love another. Remember this always: in love, it’s better being pursued than always being the pursuer.
How to Stop Thinking About Someone
Long story short, you’ll find that the best way to stop thinking about someone is to work through it the best you can at the moment, then let time and circumstances do the hard work. At first, you’ll feel hopelessness and despair, if the object of your affection doesn’t have feelings for you. But you’ll meet another and your thoughts for the one will turn into love and hope for something else. Remember, the world is a large place with a lot of people, and that’s a good thing. There are more people in the world everyday, so you have an ever-increasing chance of finding Mr. or Ms. Right.