Learn How to Ask Where a Relationship Is Going
Too many times, one person in a relationship thinks things are more serious than the other person. Especially when a relationship involves young people–young couples are often on different pages. Generally speaking, guys take relationships less seriously than girls, though it works the other way, too.
When two people aren’t on the same page about their relationship, they’re going to have problems. Your girlfriend may think that you want to spend every weekend with her, going to the mall, hanging out with her friends, while you want your weekends reserved for gaming with your buddies or catching up on schoolwork. The opposite can be true, too–a girl may think of a relationship as just flirting and fun, while the guy is convinced that the two of them are destined to be married.
Here’s how to start talking about your relationship, what it means, and where it is going.
Open Your Mouth
The first step to solving any relationship problem is talking. If you and your partner are on different pages, your main problem is probably a lack of communication. Just opening your mouth and saying something like “How serious is our relationship?” or “Where do you see us in a year?” can really start a dialog about the relationship itself. You may find that just asking a simple question solves your problem. At very least, this kind of question will get the ball rolling.
Read Body Language
Human beings do most of our communicating with our bodies. Depending on which statistic you believe, as much as 3/4 of our communication is non-verbal. Look for physical cues from your partner to see just how serious they are about this relationship.
For example–does your boyfriend spend long periods of time looking at you, smiling into your eyes, and doing nice things for you? That’s a sign that he takes the relationship very seriously. If, on the other hand, you have to goad your partner into spending alone time together, and if you don’t find yourselves holding hands or being sweet together in public, you may have a partner that doesn’t think much of your relationship.
Reading physical cues is a good way to figure out where your relationship stands without starting any awkward conversations. You can even look for your own body language signals to see where your own head is–if you find yourself pulling away from your partner or limiting your physical contact, it may be your body’s way of telling you that your heart just isn’t in a relationship and it is time to move on.
If you want to know where your relationship is going but don’t want to just outright say it, here’s a series of questions you can ask that will lead to the discussion you need to have with your boyfriend or girlfriend. The answers to these questions say a lot about your partner’s desire to continue the relationship.
1. If I moved away to the next town would we break up or try to stay together?
2. When we go off to college, are we going to go to the same school or at least to the same city?
3. If you won a fancy dinner for two in a contest, would you take me?
4. Where do you see yourself in five years?
5. Do you think we should spend more time together?
Listen closely to the answers to these questions. Your partner may not realize it, but they will tell you all you need to know about your relationship’s future.
Get A Second Opinion
While it is hardly ever appropriate to ask your friends about your relationship problems, questioning where a relationship is going is one of the few times when outside input may actually be necessary.
Your friends may have opinions about your relationship or your partner that they are scared to tell you for fear of looking like a jerk or “butting in” to your life. Go ahead and ask your friends where they think your relationship is going. You may be surprised at the opinions you hear and the amount that your friends have thought about you and your boyfriend.
The advice you get from your friends isn’t perfect, and you should always take what friends say with a grain of salt, but it can be a guide to where your relationship is going–and who knows you better than your close friends?
Relationships are tough, and knowing where exactly your relationship is going is no easier. You should talk to your partner, talk to your friends, and analyze body language and other factors to figure out if you and your boyfriend are on the same page romantically.