We always want to know what our significant other has been through in life, what he or she thinks about controversial topics, and what is the best way to make him or her happy. Sometimes he or she has had scary things happen that are not dinner conversation. When you are asking relationship questions, even having an intimate relationship with someone is not the only thing necessary to set the stage for asking relationship questions.
Let’s cover important relationship questions centered around values, relationship history, sex and past tragedies. Ideally, you know these before you are deep in the relationship, but sometimes you realize you need to ask these just as you realize you are falling for him or her.
First, let’s hit the important question of values. Do you share the same religion? Are you Pro-life or pro-choice, with possible exceptions to each view? Are piercings or tattoos a taboo for you? Are you a Republican or Democrat? The devil is in the details of the relationship questions on values, but its also about compromise and listening. You may be pro-life but accept that in the case of rape, incest or threat to the mother’s life there might be an exception. Before you start thinking that your partner believes in murder, make sure you have the correct definition of their view point. This takes some relaxed listening skills where ideally you let your partner say their mind before you speak your piece. Note when there is confusion about what he or she said and ask for clarification of the answer before you decide you are unable to compromise.
- What are your political views?
- Do you believe in god and if so, what is your religious affiliation?
- Do you want children or no?
- Where do you see your life going?
- Are you looking to be married someday?
Relationship history falls in the category of important questions. It’s not just for asking how many partners your partner has had, how long the relationship or whether they were in love though these are important questions in a relationship. It’s also about your future life with this person through understanding how things ended with others in the past. As for broaching past relationship questions, try not to feel the fear or anxiety you might have when asking. Separate yourself from those feelings and remind yourself that this person is dating you, not their exes. If you’re dating a reasonable person, they might be a bit uncomfortable with answering these questions, but you don’t have to fear being yelled at or demonized for asking about past relationships. However, if he or she overreacts and treat you badly, that is a sign to look for the door.
Key Relationship questions:
- What was your longest relationship?
- What is the hardest thing you’ve had to go through in a relationship?
- Are you friends with any of your exes and if so do you see them on a regular basis?
- Were you ever engaged or believed you would marry an ex?
Sex has always been an important question that we don’t often address. We’re taught from an early age that women don’t like sex and that men are ravenously horny. The truth is, people are just people who have interests and tastes all across the board. With that in mind, no sex question is uncomfortable to ask if you do so with taste and sensitivity. Above all, remember that sex is something we’re quite intimate about. Maybe something you’ve wanted or done sexually might be found odd by your partner or vice versa, but that is no reason to be cruel or mean to anyone or find yourself in that position. People have different tastes than others and have also been known to make mistakes. Let your partner explain themselves before you decide that what they want or have done is unacceptable.
- What is the sexiest fantasy you’ve had that was about me?
- What have we done sexually that you think about and want to try again?
- What is a fantasy you’d like to try with me that you’ve been embarrassed to share?
Other key questions:
- What is the craziest sex you’ve had?
- The most aroused you’ve ever been?
- Can you show me some pornography you like that we can watch together?
The last set of important relationship questions is asking about past tragedies. Trauma is often locked in box of memories that many often wish to keep that way. While feeling like you are kept out of your partner’s innermost experiences can seem unfair, patience, a safe relationship and trust can often draw out the answers with just a single question. Most people who have been abused or otherwise hurt feel that they don’t deserve to feel upset or mad about what happened. Asking the important question “Do you want to talk about it?” doesn’t trap a person into telling you what they think you want to hear, but rather gives him or her an opportunity to test the relationship waters for support and care.
Do you want to talk about it? Is there anything I can do to make you feel more comfortable right now? Can you explain what you feel right now?
While encouraging open listening and non-invasive relationship questions is a great start, setting the mood for each kind of important question is critical for getting the desired result: an answer.
For values and past relationship questions, picking a time early in the relationship is best. However, if you find that you’ve been dating for a while but still don’t know everything a comment along the lines of: “things are going well, I feel I know a lot about you and I like how things are going. There are also new topics I’d love to explore with you. Maybe we could grab some coffee sometime and discuss?” If you’re trying to find out about his or her past, take a stroll and use the privacy to encourage honesty on your partner’s part.
For discovering the best place to ask important questions about tragedies or sex, an intimate environment with lots of inherent trust and comfort is most desirous. If you’re trying to uncover information that you know your partner would be uncomfortable sharing, spend the day or evening doing something fun that makes both of you laugh and enjoy yourselves. It sounds like a set-up but in reality, establishing that you like your partner and that you want he or she to be happy goes a long way towards drawing out answers to relationship questions. Make sure to ask important relationship questions in a comfortable spot such as on the couch or in bed. Use verbal and physical affection to enforce that you care how your partner feels.
In all important relationship questions, remember that you’re dating another human being who has his or her own set of needs and desires.
A few more question topics you might be interested in include the sexy kind, fun, romantic, and difficult, within several others; you will find these and many more within
Should I be in a relationship?
We all encounter a time when we question our relationship with our significant other. No one is perfect, and as a result, no relationship is perfect. Luckily, two compatible people can be better off together than individually. Finding the right person to be with can become tantamount to a stable home life, happiness and enjoyment of life itself. So when you reach that point, where you don’t know where this relationship is going or have concerns about your feelings for one another, asking for relationship advice can be the best action you can take.
What you should be thinking
There was something that drew you to the person you are with right now. When things aren’t going well, it is easy to forget what those things were. Now is the time to remain calm and analyze both what it was you liked about your significant other when you met, what is likable about him or her now and what’s pleasant about the two of you being together. Remaining calm can help you see what is actually going on without punishing yourself or the other person for perceived slights. Relationship advice is only effective if you have a clear idea of what you want from yourself and your relationship.
Getting calm can involve taking a night off from seeing your significant other or doing something engaging and fun. You don’t have to tell your partner that you’re taking the time to question your relationship. Even though you are doing so, telling him or her will only result in bad feelings on his or her part. Many people also advise pampering the self. What this usually means is not to spend a lot of money, but do something you usually do to calm down that is ritualistIc. Like taking a bath, using some lotion, dressing up, exercising or cooking something you like to eat. Receiving vicarious happiness from activities increases the base level of happiness you have at all times, regardless of relationship stress.
What you had then
In order to understand what you were thinking when you first got together with your partner, it helps to list the attributes that drew you to them. If you want to go further, list events and facts about your life during the time you met so and so. Did you get a new job? Were you in the process of moving? Did you just get out of a bad relationship before meeting your current partner? All of these are reasons why you might have decided to date who you are with right now. Bear in mind, these facts have little bearing on why you’ve stayed with him or her, but tell you your general mood around the time you started dating. If you were sad, dejected and/or angry, you might have jumped into a relationship because it filled a hole in your life. Many couples transcend a beginning such as this to become great together. The easiest way to know if what you have now is valued, is to make a second list of attributes, benefits and facts about you, your partner and the both of you as a couple.
What you have now
Sometimes what you like about someone now is not what you liked or saw when you first met your partner. What you two have together may be something you can have with someone else, so think long and hard about whether those feelings are exclusive to you and your partner or whether you could share that with someone else, even hypothetically. Try to account for current stresses in your life and how they affect your feelings in the relationship. If your living situation isn’t going well, but you have a month before you move to a new place, questioning your relationship right now might result in an inaccurate assessment in the face of stress. It’s also crucial to understand what is normal in relationships. If your partner is less appealing to the point of being boring, this is normal. It’s up to you to communicate these truths in the most tactful way possible to look for a solution, or keep the hard truth to yourself if you’ve decide to give up on the relationship. Questioning your relationship is a difficult process, but adding facts about you, your partner and your situation can help provide clarity for the next step. Here are some relationship questions you can ask yourself and your partner, though be reminded that when you have serious questions to ask a guy or girl, its best to make sure everyone is calm beforehand:
- Am I better off and/or happier than I was before we started dating?
- What have I learned since we have been together?
- Can I see myself with this person in one/five/ten years?
- Your partner:
- How often are we fighting and what are the fights about?
- Your weight/happiness/mood seems to have changed, why is this?
- Is there something you are not happy about?
Where you want to be
Where do you see yourself and your partner a year from now? Five years? Ten? As you think about those years, the future most times becomes vague and blurry to your current relationship with someone. When it comes to receiving relationship advice, most times it is wrapped up in advice meant for you and not closely related to your relationship. The reason for this, is that though your future with someone is typically uncertain, the skills you are developing today do have a bearing on your future. Worrying about something you cannot directly ensure a desirable outcome to, such as relationships, is pointless compared to actively managing yourself and your skills. If you create value within yourself, you will not have to worry about being dumped or having to dump people who are not quality. You will be a quality person who attracts valuable people who are not likely to be volatile, uncommunicative or frustrating.
There are some obligatory statements that must be made about the seriously troubled relationships out there. If your partner consistently undermines you, whether this is just between the two of you or in front of others, you probably shouldn’t be in that relationship. If anyone you date slaps, hits or otherwise physically attacks you, it is time to call the police and leave that relationship. It’s no longer a relationship question when behavior is unacceptable to perpetrate on anyone; dating that person does not give someone a free ticket to treat you poorly. At that point, you don’t need relationship advice as much as you need a counselor to help you.
All in all, we all have a small voice inside our head that tells us when things don’t feel quite right. Over the years, if you’ve done many things that aren’t suitable for you, that voice can become small to the point where you are deaf to it. It can take a lot to tap into our conscience after this, but trying to hear it again will go a long way towards learning the truth about your relationship and yourself. Relationship advice will only help you identify facts about the relationship, but the decision to stay or go rests with your conscience and how much you value yourself.